This short blog helped me to get through the first weeks of my mother's illness but I have decided that I don't want to focus on the goodbye anymore...I can't, its too much. I still want to blog but I want to blog about life not death. You can read on at my new blog

My Circus, My Monkeys

Disappearing Act

Its amazing how hard times quickly show you who truly cares about you, who your true friends are...its sad really. I have always been one of those people that even an acquaintance could call at 3 AM and I would be there for them. I have sacrificed to be there for people only to get screwed over time and time again. I learned my lesson and I tightened my friend circle down to just a very few. Now that I am going through this I find that my friend circle is pretty much zero. Even my best friend who is one of the sweetest people in the world is no where to be found. She has a stressful life, works two jobs and has kids but she finds time to post on facebook....if you have time to post on facebook then you have time to send a quick "Im thinking of your message". 

Other than my husband and family I am utterly alone. I want a friend who I can talk to that doesn't have their own emotions about it, that can just be a support for me, more than that I just want to feel like I matter but I don't.