My make up last a whole half a day today. I feel like I'm just going through the motions, cleaning, cooking etc but my mind is elsewhere. Anticipatory grief is a bitch. I sat the in the patio area today, the exact same spot we were when she told me and I tried to imagine what life would be like without her, sitting in that spot knowing that she no longer existed in the world....there are no words... It's amazing how many things seemed so important before, so many perceived slights that I felt she made towards me, even valid things, they no longer matter, they are so very unimportant. I would live all of the hurts infinitely over if it meant she would live. But she won't, there is nothing I can to keep her here. I grieve for so many things, so many things that will never happen, she won't see my brother's kids born, she won't see my daughter go to prom or graduate or get married. So many moments of my life I had counted on her being there to get me through, to give me advice and she won't be there.
How do I do this? I do I exist in a world where she does not?
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