Last night I dreamed for what seemed like hours about my mom dying, her small crumpled form....I can't even describe it. I woke up drenched in sweat and have started my day with a very very short fuse. I have no patience and everyone is pissing me off....it doesn't matter if they are asking me if I need anything, I want to bite their heads off and spit them out....I know this is not okay albeit perfectly normal. I know I don't want to get angry and hurt the ones I love but I don't know how to curb it...
I need a plan, if I had a plan I'd be okay, its this flailing around feeling helpless that I can't stand. I need someone to tell me exactly what to do to take care of her, to take care of me....but no one can tell me because no one is the same. I know I am supposed to take care of me so I can be there for her, eat right, exercise, take time to do things for myself but I don't even know what things I need....
Today just feels like a cyclone of everything and nothing all at once.
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