The Worst Day of My Life

Yesterday was the worst day of my life, people use that term a lot, loosely, but I mean it literally, it is the worst day I have ever had in my 38 years of life. My mother took the day off from work and drove up to my house....its a day I will remember forever, one of those days I may not remember what I was wearing but I will remember where I was, the temperature of the air, the breeze on my skin, it will never leave me. My mom and I sat outside in my patio area, she had barely sat day when it came bursting out of her. She got a diagnoses the day before, she had ALS...apparently I screaming "are you kidding me?" as I launched myself into her lap that start sobbing, the sobs turned into anguished screams and pleading, to who, I don't know....I'm amazed the neighbors didn't call the police.

The troubles started months ago, five months to be exact, she started having trouble with her hand, she thought perhaps she screwed up a nerve, then it spread to her leg on the same side, she started falling constantly because her toe would drag. The doctors office dicked around getting her into a neurologist and because of some metal in her body she couldn't have an MRI. So the diagnoses took longer than it should have...I knew something was wrong, terribly wrong but I never in a million years thought that it would be something that was 100% terminal, I thought even if it were something awful like a tumor there were therapies and she had a chance at living....

Its funny, not in a haha way, the things that go through your mind when you get devastating news..as I cried and howled I thought, I'm not going to have a mother anymore, how am I going to live without a mother, how am I going to get my daughter through this, oh shit, I have to cancel my hair appointment....seriously, I'm not joking...a hair appt lol.

So why blog about this terrible, private matter? Well, writing for me is therapy, it helps me get things out that I necessarily don't want to talk about or say out loud or what another person's opinion on...I just need to get it out. Also, ALS is rare, about 6,000 cases a year diagnosed with it in the US....there isn't a lot of support out there, if someone has cancer chances are you have a friend who has been through it or been through it with a loved one but with ALS its hard to find another person who has been through it. So I figured that now or in the future someone else going through it might find the blog and take comfort in my words. I haven't told my friends or family about my blog and I don't know if I will, for now its just for me.