My new normal

I am settling in to my new normal, my emotions have leveled out a bit although every now and then I start to get really bitchy and then when confronted about it I fall apart, its like bitchy comes out because I don't want to let the tears out.

I take care of my family, my husband being a tremendous help and then once I week I make a batch of meals for my mom and when I go down to do my weekly cleaning of her house I bring them and freeze some and leave some in the fridge.

My new normal won't be my normal for long I'm sure, as her disease progresses so will the definition of normal.

When my mind is not distracted I still think about the situation, today I started to think that my mom dying isn't the worst part, the worst part is watching her deteriorate and being totally helpless to do anything about it, to watch her suffer emotionally. Once the disease takes her life there will be no more suffering for her, I can rest in the fact that she is in peace. I'm  not saying that her death will be easy on me in any way shape or form, it will destroy me, at least for awhile but knowing she is hurting is much worse.